Pandora, You Must Be Joking

Seriously, did you think we'd really want to hear a live version of Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator"? Don't you know how we feel about live recordings, let alone sober Aerosmith?

We even gave you a hint, right here!

Cannibals, Thou Art European

at least according to this article from the BBC:

Ancient site reveals signs of mass cannibalism

(Editor's Note-- Germans!)

We... Don't... Know

We have to echo Jay Stevens' thoughts on the Afghanistan "surge": who the hell knows? And isn't that exactly what we were promised?

More here, on his blog:

Left in the West

Party Crashers

Ok, so the Salahis weren't supposed to be at the White House state dinner, but what about all those media-types who were? Doesn't exactly help fight the argument that the media is biased, now, does it?

The Last Word on Sarah Palin

...belongs to John Stewart:

"When you peel back the pretty, shooty layers of the Palin onion, there's no onion. It's just a conservative boiler plate mad lib: 'Freedom is good and taxes are--ooh I need an adjective--how about, I don't know, silly?' And the worst part it's a mad lib delivered as though it were the hard-earned wisdom of a life well lived."

One Million Dollar Men (& Women)

As reported in the NYT, the US government is paying approximately $1 million a year for each soldier deployed in Afghanistan.

Jessica Lynch Part Duh

"...the media fell hook, line and sinker once again for a military account of what happened during the tragedy."

read it here:

Another Media Black Eye: Second Cop -- Not Kimberly Munley -- Brought Down Fort Hood Killer

(Editor's note-- it did sound a little too good, didn't it?)

Not a Moment Too Soon

Aerosmith may be breaking up.

Blackwater in Hotwater

Further evidence of a company run amuck:

Blackwater Said to Pursue Bribes to Iraq After 17 Died

The one silver lining to all this: the hard-nose Karl Rove-lookalike (and former Company man) Cofer Black comes off looking pretty good.

“We are out of here,” he is reported to have said as he cut short a meeting in Baghdad to fly back stateside to confront CEO Erik Prince.

You know you're in trouble, though, when a brutal knee-deep in covert interrogations and third-country extraditions is the voice of conscience.

(Editor's Note-- of course, Blackwater doesn't "exist" anymore-- heretofore, they are supposedly called "Xe Services")

more on Blackwater here and here.

A Barbaric Move by a Barbaric Country

... reinforcing the cycle of violence.

D.C. Sniper John Muhammed Executed

Jumping the Gun

Before the pundits start crying "Islamophobia!", let's give the media a chance. From what we know, it's just unfortunate that this man, who had been the brunt of stereotypes and bigotry, has, in the end, just given the bigots one more round of ammunition.

Ode to Virginia Tech

O hallowed university in the Virginian hills, we will attempt to draw no further conclusions from the fact that Major Nidal Malik Hasan graduated from your university...

Pearl of Wisdom from Levi Johnston

courtesy of Sir William Shatner

"Is it true that fat kids never get kidnapped?"

Lessons from So-So Tuesday

1. Candidates matter. A charismatic candidate is going to draw out the base and the leaners, which is the key to winning elections-- not those mythical "swing voters" whose coin tosses are usually given credit.

Meaning, support for Obama does not inherently mean active support for the Dems... or the public option, for that matter, no matter how much the liberal media may try to portray it as disloyalty.

2. The truth is in the center-- which is the key to a Republican resurgence. Fiscal conservatism, yes... social conservatism, not so much.

Meaning, Herr Beck & Senora Palin-- and el Club for Growth-- your approach is doomed, even w/o the coming demographic tsunami that is going to swamp your lunatic fringe off the electoral map.

3. The more things change... In the end, young people didn't turn out in significantly greater #s in 2008 & any speculation about them being more politically involved than previous generations is moot.

Oh, yeah, and that "change" thing. Incumbents, esp. those w/o billions at their disposal, beware.

Turnout, Turnout, Turnout

FiveThirtyEight reports that "the electorate which turned out in Virginia supported McCain in last year's election 51-43."

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/11/what-happened-and-why.html

Dollar Signs not Moral Sighs

Are you listening, Republicans? Time to turn down Fox News.

Hypomaniac: Why Arianna Huffington Should Go Away

Arianna: Why Joe Biden Should Resign

Two Takes on Obama's Nobel

1. His talk alone has signaled a vast departure from the war-mongering that preceded him, and probably done more globally towards positing peace and reconciliation than any other words or actions from anyone anywhere else on the globe.

-or-

2. For all his good and well-espoused intentions, he has yet to walk the walk on, really, anything-- be it on Guantanamo, Afghanistan, or gays in the military (hey, that might be the single thing that would do the most towards promoting peace worldwide!)

At this point, we side w/ #2... make him earn it, we say.

One Nation Under God?

... t'is the question posed by a certain interactive work of, uh, art, by McNaughton Fine Art... a mural that includes a soldier who "happens to have the last name of 'King' on his body armor [standing] as a tribute to Martin Luther King - a great leader of American Civil Rights"... who, incidentally, advocated nonviolence.

Bomb the Moon!

That's right, NASA's doing it!

Immaculate Conceptions

Mary Cheney pregnant with second child.

Public Optioning

Most of the talk in the health care debate has bored us to tears, to the point where we start tuning people out once they mention it, but have to say that Shepard Smith (of Fox News) said it well here... which means that we actually agreed with the Huffington Post, which we usually find knee-jerky and smarmy.

(Editor's note-- we must acknowledge here that Ms. Huffington's accent has something to do with that)

Anyway, in the words of Señor Smith:

"Over the last ten years health care costs in America have skyrocketed. Regular folks cannot afford it. So, they tax the system by not getting preventative medicine. They go to the emergency room in the last case and we all wind up paying for it.

As the costs have gone up, the insurance industry's profits, on average, have gone up more than 350%. And it is the insurance companies which have paid, and who have contributed to Senators and Congressmen on both sides of the aisle to the point where now we cannot get what all concerned on Capitol Hill seem to believe and more 60% of Americans say they would support, which is a public option.

This has been an enormous win for the health-care industry, that is an unquestioned fact. But I wonder, what happens to the American people when we come out with legislation now which requires everyone to have health care insurance -- or many more people -- but does not give a public option?

Therefore millions more people will have to buy insurance from the very corporations that are overcharging us, and whose profits have gone up 350 percent in the last ten years. It seems like we the people are the ones getting the shaft here."

Ready-Burnt

Yep, that's right, just like the ads be saying-- Starbucks is releasing an instant version of its burnt-a** coffee.

We'll pass (unless they're giving them away, of course).

Oldest Republican Ancestor Discovered

Her name is Ardi.

Shoe's Off the Other Foot Now...

Turkish student hurls his Nikes at I.M.F. managing director, bringing the swoosh full circle.

Bull Market

Yes, Slightly Overweight Scruffy Middle-Aged Men, There's Some for You Too!

Yes, Teenagers, There is Hope!

mor(e) on HuffPo

Swine Flu Yet?

We wonder why, beneath all the racialized rhetoric, the response to and containment to the H1N1 virus (and the "public option" being used in its name) hasn't been used as more of a selling point for universal health care...

Mr. Brooks's Neighborhood

David Brooks weighs in on the aspect of race in the ongoing health care/ tea party debates.

Ah, were it only so easy to separate the issues of race and class in America. Wethinks the problems come when both sides make Obama the issue and don't look at the real racial discrepancies in coverage...

Just Because You Oppose the President's Policies...

does not inherently mean you're racist.

Melissa Harris-Lacewell (in The Nation) thinks otherwise.

Letter to the Nation

(... the magazine, that is.)

As a supporter of universal health care, (we) find this patently offensive, "identity politics" at its worst. This implies that any opposition to any of the policies of a minority president is racism, and is EXACTLY the kind of crap that stirs up those who might be on the conservative side of the fence.

Now, if Ms. Harris-Lacewell could take the time to point out how certain minority groups are bearing the brunt of the shortcomings of the current system, she might be on to something. But that would take a little more work than the Google searches that appear to have produced the research shown here.

Uh-oh, better get... Geico?

Look, we're sympathetic to the arguments for universal health care coverage, but how many folks are spending more on health coverage for their car than for themselves? Seriously, we have learned from being gainfully unemployed... there are plans out there for $100 a month, which means that, at least for the underemployed, going without health care coverage is in part a choice.

(a choice that will, hopefully, soon go away... for their benefit as well as the taxpayers!)

We Are All Mutants

... just as we suspected.

Each of us has at least 100 new mutations in our DNA, according to research published in the journal Current Biology...

Coke and a Smile

Now we know why Billy Mays was so jacked up over his Oxy Clean:

... a report released Friday by the medical examiner listed cocaine as a "contributory cause of death."

The medical examiner "concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death," the office said in a press release.

When the Voices in Your Head Are Your Advisors

On the Chris Matthews show, Norah O'Donnell tells us that Sarah Palin has no advisors and doesn't consult with anyone. Wonder why we're not surprised...

Jim Crowley Laws

That's right, people, the days of Jim Crow are long gone... replaced by the subtler nuances of the James Crowleys out there. Drink 'em if you've got 'em... just don't conduct yourself disorderly-ly...

Teachable Moments

Many have criticized the president for weighing in on the Skip Gates arrest, and then politicizing it afterwards without any visible teaching of any kind taking place. We say they have it all wrong; the message resonated loud and clear with us:

When you're having problems, drink a beer, and they will all go away.

We have to agree. In fact, if the damn doctor we went to see on a routine checkup hadn't told us to hold off on the alcohol until the follow-up, that's what we'd be doing right now.

Which brings us to another teachable moment:

If you're scheduling a doctor's appointment that might involve some tests, do it in the beginning of the week.

That way an overzealous doctor can't take your weekend away from you.

(Editor's note-- We're considering expanding this "Teachable Moment" into a regular posting on the site for the well-being of our devoted followers)

(This Better NOT Be) the Future of Journalism

Oh, no, Washington Post-- don't go putting ads in the way that you can't click off the screen... they even obscure some of the text. Just run a few more of those special coffees/salons for lobbyists if you need a little sum'n sum'n to make ends meet-- don't take it out on the words!

Tweetin' the Tweet

We decided to resurrect our Twitter account today, so prepare yourself for 140-character pearls of wisdom...

Free Verse

We called it on HuffPo: Palin's a poet, though most don't know it. William Shatner does, however.

Racist by Another Name

Namely, "Birther."

In the NYT, MSNBC Prez Phil Griffin calls the Birther movement what it is-- racist. This one's a little less subtle than the po-po in Cambridge: Obama's done been profiled to the hilt here. Sorry, old white guys, but your days in the majority (and as being synonymous with the term "American") are numbered...

Wright or Wrong

Jeffrey Wright weighs in; a worthwhile read in which he lets us know what really went down that night in Shreveport.

Hops and Barley Diplomacy

Obama offers to sit down and have a beer with Gates and the arresting officer-- seems to follow the pattern we remember early in the campaign:

Obama says something we agree with, has to step back to accommodate the mainstream masses, and turns it into a teachable moment. In the process, he's probably pissing off people on both sides, but we have to say (especially after the previous 8 years), second-guessing your words and actions from time to time is something we can believe in.

Skip G

Henry Louis "Skip" Gates Jr. acquires some street cred... America reevaluates its racial progress.

Chew 'em if You Got 'em

Apparently, this gum would allow you to do more than just walk while chewing it...

Daily Telegraph: Hamas accuses Israel of dumping aphrodisiac gum on Gaza

In Defense of Sanford

Bill Maher has a point: "At least Sanford was truly in love" and not "just having sex with the easiest roadkill [he] can find."

See it herre.

The Most Boring Man on the Face of the Earth

That'd be Al Franken, the newly minted senator from Minnesota... when there's not a punch line attached (and there won't be), that's a voice that'll put you to sleep faster than you can say Ben Stein.

Bueller?

Brü-- no.

Somehow, we don't find the idea of a gay Austrian fashionista as funny as a Khyrgisthani rube...

White-Colored Glasses

The only two people from the MJ ceremony that NPR pointed out were John Mayer and Brooke Shields

Palintology

Lots of theories/rumors surrounding Sarah Palin's decision to leave the governorship early-- we think she may just be delusional enough to think that she does have a chance for the Republican nomination, and didn't think she'd be able to get through "Foreign Policy for Dummies" in her spare time.

That, or she's looking to get a talk show.

So You Think You Can Dance?

... uh, no, actually, we don't.

Brother Michael

The Pew Research Center reinforces the anecdotal evidence.

We/They're Black and We/They're Proud...

of Michael Jackson, honored by many under the cloak of racial unity, despite his history of skin-lightening and nose-narrowing... (and we don't have a problem with that).

And Iran...

Iran so far a-way-ay-ay...

You Said You Wanted a Revolution...

that's what we're talking about! We Americans might pat ourselves on the back, but we've got nuttin' on the Iranians. Fascinating watching this whole thing unfold-- wish we had a correspondent on the ground.

The Cheney Effect

Say what you will about the man they call Dick-- his ranting seems to have had its effect on Obama, as he adopts more and more of the policies he once panned-- and then has the chutzpah to say “This is the best way to protect our country, while upholding our deeply held values.”

(in a "statement," of course)

One Acronym That Should Go Away

One word: SCOTUS.

(Editor's note-- wait, isn't that the plural of...)

Flash 'em if You Got 'em!

Supreme Court throws out Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction ruling.

Senator Stormy

When porn and politics meet-- officially.

Neineken

We're at a coffeeshop/bar, and all they had left on tap was Heineken... it's really not that good, despite the fact that that's what we thought was good beer when we were growing up (and drinking Coors, Busch, and the Beast instead). Gimme-- er, us-- a Yuengling any day!

(Editor's note-- despite appearances, our explanation for pathetic postings stands-- we have been mired in work)

Suicide Solutions

(used with due reference to Mr. Osbourne)

A'ight, those of you suffering financial turmoil, we gots to say-- killing yourself ain't the answer, but if the chemicals in your brain leave you no other choice, at least leave the wife and kids out of it. Sheesh!

(Editor's note-- we believe this is the first-- and will be the last-- time we use the phrase, "Sheesh.")

A, B, C... it's as easy as...

James Earl Jones.

Hiatus

It's time to acknowledge that we just ain't able to get 'er done at the moment. Expect a flurry of activity in a couple weeks, when the daily reporting gig lets up and our lead correspondent prepares for his Middle Eastern odyssey...

Before We Abolish Money...

we should abolish styrofoam.

Bracket the Financial Crisis!

Despite the flak Obama's been getting for devoting a few minutes to March Madness brackets, we feel:

1. That the man needs a little downtime/ stress relief

2. That this could be an excellent parable for the financial crisis-- everyone's willing to take a blind guess... and throw money at it. Isn't that exactly what we need right now?

We say: legalize everything. Bonuses to those who randomly get lucky. Maybe even pit various policies against each other and let Vegas decides who wins.

Meet De Pression

We just learned that we're older than David Gregory.

Sub-7000

The Dow's done slipped again-- looks like we might have to get real jobs after all.

Oh, that's right-- there aren't any.

Mr. Jindal's Neighborhood

Michael Steele is trying too hard... he doesn't need the help of Curtis Sliwa (who, we believe, is the (former?) head of the Guardian Angels-- and, in this case, a complete jackass).

While we don't hold Steele responsible for the "slum love" and "slumdog" comment, did he really say that Jindal is "doing a friggin' awesome job in his state"?

from Politico

As for Jindal, all he needed the other night was a red cardigan.

Jindal Blows It

Maybe it was appearing after B.O. that did it. But Bobby Jindal gave us nothin'... to quote Robert DeNiro, NUH- THIN!!! Repubs, is this the best you got? Granted, it's better than Sarah Palin, but...

Energy, Health Care, and Education

Uh, yeah, those'd be the big three.

(Editor's note-- There. We've "liveblogged" the State of the... er, Obama's big speech)

Republicans To Get Jiggy With It

Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

...from the Washington Times

(Editor's note-- not that it should necessarily reflect on his judgment, but this man's sister was married to Mike Tyson)

Bureaucracizing the Revolution

Hugo Chavez has bullied his way into "legitimicizing" his status as Dictator-for-Life; we have much less tolerance for him now that our own sulfur-smelling presidente has hit the high road.

He ain't no Fidel, that's for sure.

Stimulate This!

Just a reminder, dear readers, not to forget about us... we've been busy, but... WE'LL BE BACK!!!!!

WHY HAVE WE ONLY BEEN ABLE TO FIND ONE ARTICLE THAT ACTUALLY ANALYZES THE STIMULUS PACKAGE ON ITS MERITS AND NOT ITS POLITICAL IMPLICATIONS?

see below.

Read the Fine Print

... or at least get someone who understands it to do so:

The stimulus plan presents a stark choice: The government can spend unprecedented amounts of money quickly in an effort to jump-start the economy or it can move more deliberately to thwart the cost overruns common to federal contracts in recent years.

"You can't have both," said Eileen Norcross...

Waking Up

Hopefully, the latest moves by the Senate & the Obama administration are signs that politicos are waking up to the fact that throwing money at everything isn't the answer, especially if you don't read the fine print. Fact is, the economy is going to be in shambles in two years anyway, and if the stimulus becomes a spending-heavy, liberal-agenda, Democrat-only boongoogle, the Dems could well become toast in 2010.

Another positive sign-- looks like folks are finally noticing-- and reversing-- some of the shiftier things that happened the last go-around:

Stimulus bill would end tax ruling that benefited Wells Fargo

Not Only Did He Screw Up...

he admitted it!

To quote Andrew Sullivan, "That's change we can believe in!"

Paper Trail

The legal trail of the Bush admin's misdeeds... Blago was Mother Theresa by comparison.

A Cold Day in Washington

... yep, folks, it's true: there's a black president!

Adios Guantánamo

That's right-- word is Obama's going to issue an executive order to close it on Inauguration day. A good start... though it'd be nice to see a less ambiguous statement on Gaza too.

from the NYT

Rashid Khalidi Speaks!

... not that the "idiot wind" has blown over yet. Obama's "terrorist" friend speaks in today's NYT, "What You Don’t Know About Gaza."

He says:

This war on the people of Gaza isn’t really about rockets. Nor is it about “restoring Israel’s deterrence,” as the Israeli press might have you believe. Far more revealing are the words of Moshe Yaalon, then the Israeli Defense Forces chief of staff, in 2002: “The Palestinians must be made to understand in the deepest recesses of their consciousness that they are a defeated people.”

If so, perhaps this one should be called the "War on Consciousness"?

... Is Obama Listening?

Fighting them over there so we won't have to fight them here

... we're talking about the blue helmets of the UN, of course; by tying them up (and killing some of them) in Gaza, they won't be able to take over and create Mexada/Canexico over here for a few more years, at least.

Where's the Outrage?

Not to beat a dead horse here, but Je-sus Christ-Oh, if 765 casualties (and counting) wasn't enough, Israel is now taking on the blue helmets of the UN. According to the BBC:

The UN's main aid agency has suspended its operations in Gaza because its staff have been hit by Israeli attacks.

The suspension would continue "until the Israeli authorities can guarantee our safety and security", the UN said.

It's gotten so bad, in fact, that the US has dropped its opposition to an immediate ceasefire. Whither the American public? We must admit cynicism to the degree that even a My Lai-type atrocity wouldn't severely rupture American public opinion.

Come on, people, now!

Utterly Predictable

Yes, it was utterly predictable that...

Civilians would become human shields
Civilians would become "collateral damage"
UN sites would become targets like they did in 2006
Schoolchildren would die
Aid workers would be killed
Someone would lob a missile from Lebanon

These are all biproducts of Israel's actions in Gaza. The fact that using human shields and lobbing missiles at innocent civilians are "terrorist actions" merely confirms the propaganda... and the fact that Israel went into this hornet's nest KNOWLINGLY means it is ultimately responsible for the deaths that result.

Shalom!

Send In Joe the Plumber!

That's right-- Samuel J. Wurzelbacher is headed heading to Israel as a war correspondent for the conservative Web site pjtv.com. Seems the man who once agreed that a vote for Obama was a vote for the death of Israel is ready to do some even-handed reporting? Yeah, well, that other hand's done been blown off.

Oh, and he ain't scurred. In his words, "Being a Christian I'm pretty well protected by God I believe."

from "toledoonthemove.com." Hmmm...

Terrorism on Terrorism

That's what we'd call killing innocent schoolchildren in an attempt to obliterate those who lob missiles at you-- one begats the other (and we're not just saying that because we like the word "begat").

(Editor's note-- after some reflection, we realize that this title could apply to another, larger conflict (Waterboarding, anyone?))

It's Like We Said...

The NYT agrees with us-- Israel's latest moves seem to have been done with the waning days of a dying (and blindly supportive) duck in mind.

Read it herrre: "Israel Strikes Before an Ally Departs"

Israel Invades Gaza--

Hamas "terrorists" become soldiers?

Reza Aslan asks, "Which One's the Terrorist?"

(Editor's note-- Good to see the Beast asking some questions after some abysmal reporting on the issue)